Presented by Meherrin Footprints

I did have my Colostomy Reversal Surgery in June, 2026. I still go to my Support Group in West Islip, New York monthly. I try to let people know that it is possible to make it through this difficult situation. – John Lewis

The 7 Stages of Grief

When we hear the word “grief,” our minds typically go to the loss of a loved one. But grief is also a deeply natural, valid response to significant bodily changes and health crises.

If you are living with an ostomy—and especially if you are navigating complications like a prolapsed stoma—you might experience a profound sense of mourning for your body’s previous predictability, comfort, and control. Recognizing that emotional response as grief can bring immense relief. It normalizes the heavy days and reminds you that your feelings make complete sense.

While psychological models like the classic framework introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross mapped out emotional adaptation, an expanded 7-stage model captures the full spectrum of these complex emotional waves:

1. Shock and Disbelief

The initial news or physical realization that your stoma has prolapsed can feel completely paralyzing. Your mind acts as a natural buffer against sudden trauma, leaving you feeling numb, detached, or as if you are watching a medical situation happen to someone else.

2. Denial

In this phase, you might catch yourself thinking, “This is just temporary, it will go back down on its own,” or minimizing the physical reality. Denial acts as a gentle mechanism that lets the intense impact sink in gradually rather than all at once.

3. Anger

As denial fades, frustration takes its place. You may find yourself asking, “Why is this happening to me? Haven’t I been through enough?” This anger can feel isolating, but it is an authentic expression of pain when your body feels like it has let you down.

4. Bargaining

The “what if” and “if only” stage. You might mentally negotiate with your circumstances: “If only I had rested more yesterday, or worn a different support belt, this wouldn’t have happened.” It is an attempt by the mind to regain a sense of control over an unpredictable physical condition.

5. Depression

When bargaining fails to change the physical reality, a deep heaviness, fatigue, or sadness can settle in. Mourning the loss of your physical routine and worrying about the future can drain your energy. This dark phase is often a heavy, necessary step toward truly processing the magnitude of the change.

6. Testing and Reconstruction

An upward turn begins when you start experimenting with small steps to re-engage with daily life. You establish new daily routines, find out what clothing or support items help manage the prolapse, and figure out practical workarounds for daily comfort. You are actively learning how to work with your body rather than against it.

7. Acceptance and Hope

Acceptance does not mean you are “happy” about having a prolapsed stoma, nor does it mean forgetting how difficult the journey was. Instead, it means coming to terms with your body’s current reality, integrating the experience into your life story, and finding a renewed sense of hope for the future.

You Are Not Alone on This Journey

Grief and adaptation do not move in a straight line. You might feel acceptance one day, only to cycle back to frustration or sadness the next. That fluidity is entirely normal.

Connecting with others who truly understand what it means to live with an ostomy can make all the difference. Organizations like the United Ostomy Associations of America, Inc. offer incredible nationwide support groups, education, and patient resources.

Share your story in The Ripple Effect

Every personal hurdle leaves ripples behind. If navigating this chapter has sparked a story, a realization, or an encouragement you want to pass along, head over to the Ripple Submission form and submit your Ripple to help someone else find their footing.

Disclaimer

I am not a doctor, nurse, or medical professional. This article is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended to replace medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Every person’s situation is unique, and stoma care can vary widely. Always consult with your physician, surgeon, or a certified Wound, Ostomy, and Continence (WOC) nurse for guidance specific to your condition.

Thank you for visiting.

John Lewis